Departed trail & Bitter trials.

I was at a church conference half of Friday and half of Saturday morning when I started to get sick or at least worn out. Preachers talked about how Christ went after the sinner, the theft on the cross, and those that needed redemption for their actions. Of course I was in the spirit of the words spoken, as I always felt like the sinner. When I got home Saturday I took a nap for a while. Someone knocked on the gate, my sister’s best friend. I didn’t know who it was at the time nor did I feel well enough to stay and talk with them.

I let them in. I forgot, her sister was with her and both of them wanted to change the flowers by Priscilla in the room. I went outside to find my brother building a fire to burn the old flowers that we had. It was a symbolic thing that we were doing, set a fire with wood and throw a few dried up flowers to then talk about random things also my sister. Some stories were repeated but still good to hear. I went back to sleep.

>Section:2

“At a tremendously fast pace, my knees  rumble forward and back. In pain I stomp on the mud that shrugs apart and hold my shoes; I want to shed those petite dirt pieces off. But I have to run up this steep slum hill of moist and slippery mud. Stay digging my feet into that murky path up to my mysterious future of the day. Night holds beautiful city stars but holds terrorizing memories of me arguing with the departed.”

“Release me out this plaster feeling grip that drys up to harden my way to the light. It may not be the hundredth time I do this yet the argument has hit home a dozen times; over me join arms in a hurled disregard to loved wishes and with obeying them. I plead it stops but I must take the noise of one side’s wishes to mind; this is as I duel with the brown sinking seal of this slum hill. Let go of me contradictions that compress and contrast the darkness in my nightmares. Call out to aspirations to form hands out of the filled in presence of light to reach for me and beckon me home.”

“Stab a stable footing in front me with an infringing desire to go against the creeping weight below me. Defile the muddy path with still straight grassy earth for me, and give a new grace filled sense in me. Twist the realm, animate the innate cross on my shoulders so it walks off. I Have the inanity, or the nonsensical remark, that defines madness to leave me. The steep hill doesn’t get stepper at my step but it all gets heavier.”

“Pressing in my shoes as the spirit is willing to get further ahead. Treading cross this murk is hurtful to the mind as I feel another lurking behind me. Invoked in an invocation or an assistance of its on assertions that it comes and goes as it pleases. I shouted against devils and brought light against hollow aberrations that are teaming with temptations. But the looming force was beyond my presence to compare.”

“It floated above the weighted suction of the mud I treaded in, but still walked about like it defined what it could step on; even air, no, it walked above it. This was as if all things were below it and not part of it all at the same time. It felt separated from form yet held familiarity in what I could notice, as if mirroring a person from another realm. It wasn’t ungodly but hardly godly and seemed unbiased to my life. It didn’t praise on or push a pendulum either way; it simply watched things unfold.”

“I wanted to turn and demand what it was but what does a mere man has the right to  demand against such a thing. And without me turning nor opening my mouth I knew what was to come: “I was the 2nd celestial body to inhabit the stars beside your father, I collect and give as much if not more than him. I can even boast my work to you without felling guilty because I’m hardly ever guilty of my work. Hardly ever the culprit but still blamed as I am. It’s finally time to come think with yourself what I am.”

“And I stop in my tracks knowing who I didn’t know would come to me. He who I never thought I would think about or converse with. I turned over the dirt as if my whole universe stopped for this one conversation. I begin with a hello to death. “Hello.”

>Section:3

“Hello king of the shaping shadows, divinely dividing the perished, sudden but present across the earth; enemy to all. Phantom husband to life, going arm and arm to the entire end of eternity. Cousin to voided vacancies of entropy or an easy way to say your akin to or the cousin of sleep. Warden of the crossways that lead to heaven and hell. Servant to the one most high, herald of the one who sits among the light above, bringer of raptures, and I know you are endeared or loved last after the trinity; but respected and feared by all.”

“Oh why did you listen to the random propagation of fate and a chance filled turn over of destiny. Oh why did you spare me but couldn’t spare over the light you drank into night. Oh why must my sister be brought onto heaven and not me in return for hell so she can live. I feel I’ll only meet you when I’m old while she was taken young. I felt anger to all my demons even God, now I meet you humbled, slightly; but angry.”

“It was your verity or true belief that you were only doing your job. But personally you hurt me most of all, because I was always ready for you but not my family. I was ready once with love but on that day you were uninvited. I had my sister to fix myself so who will be there to fix my family. Who I ask and when; it’s such a great burden.”

“And so I fall here to my knees in this dream, in front of your stoic stance. The mud splashes beneath. Even the filth I surround my self understands the predicament I placed myself in. A maggot talking to an entity beyond reproach. Just as others claim to be the devil or a god, some claim to be death incarnate; I feel your real self here in my life, in my dreams.”

“Without sound from your painted black form I knew your words in me. Through empathy of nature spoke to me, “I am not he who knows everything and ever play of the world’s game. Nor am I the forcing figure that is feeding you acceptance of my work. I am not the soul purpose of the mistakes of man but I am their result. I am Death, and you know in your heart that I am not to blame; so pray to your God and pray for better understanding.”

Then I woke up.